Best Man Duties: Before, During and After the Wedding

Legally, a best man in Germany has almost nothing to do: the register office will even marry a couple with no witnesses at all. The real best man duties aren’t written in any law. They’re called stag do, rings, speech and keeping calm when the photographer is stuck in traffic at 14:52. Here you get the job from being asked to the hangover afterwards, with a timeline, a cost guide and the one point many forget: the couple organise the wedding, you look after the groom.

What does a best man actually do?

In short: at the register office or in church, he confirms with his signature that both said yes. That takes about ten seconds. The rest is friendship.

The groom asked you because he trusts you. He wants someone at his side who knows when he needs a schnapps and when a coffee, who can calm his mum down while keeping an eye on the ring bearer. Being best man means having his back, especially in the last few weeks, when seating plans and in-laws fray everyone’s nerves.

What you’re not: a wedding planner. Venue, catering and decorations belong to the couple. You offer help, but don’t force it on anyone. Rearrange the seating plan without being asked and you’ll lose your post faster than the wedding ring.

Do you even need a best man?

That depends on the country and on whether it’s a church wedding. It matters for the couple, and for you as the witness too: no ID, no signature.

For a Protestant wedding, the regional church decides, so ask at the parish office.

In practice, most couples still choose witnesses even where it’s optional. It’s about the gesture, not the stamp.

What are the best man’s duties before the wedding?

The months before the big day are the real work. Roughly in order, based on an engagement of about a year:

1. Say yes and clarify your role. Ask the groom directly what he wants: just the stag do and the rings, or help with the suit, music and guest list too?
2. Get to know the second witness. Often that’s the bride’s maid of honour. A beer together saves you double surprises later, and two slideshows with the same photos.
3. Lock in the dates. Wedding day, Polterabend (the German pre-wedding party), stag do, church rehearsal: put it all in your calendar before your boss plans something else.
4. Plan the stag do (more on that in a moment).
5. Go along for the suit. An honest opinion is worth more here than any help folding place cards.
6. Write the speech, and not the night before.
7. Kick off a group present, if the friends want to chip in together.

If you want to do more, take on the Polterabend or a surprise for the reception. If you can do less, say so early. An honest best man with three jobs is better than an overwhelmed one with ten.

How do you plan the stag do as best man?

This is the part everyone remembers, for better or worse. The basic rule: the night belongs to the groom, not to your idea of a good night out. Someone who never drinks doesn’t want to be dragged down Hamburg’s Reeperbahn, and someone who hates football won’t be thrilled by a stadium.

Start three to four months in advance. Ask his fiancée for a free weekend and any no-gos, discreetly get the guest list from the groom and set a budget before you collect ideas. The complete checklist with a timeline is in our bachelor party planning checklist, and our bachelor party FAQ answers the most common basic questions.

For ideas: our guide to bachelor party ideas has activities for the afternoon and evening, and our bachelor party activities list around a hundred ideas to filter by budget and style. If you’re celebrating as a mixed group, take a look at the bachelorette party guide too, because many couples now combine the two nights.

Don’t fancy piecing it all together yourself? Our itinerary generator uses your city, group size and budget to build a ready-made schedule from midday to the last club, which you can share with the group via a link. For dares along the way, there’s bachelor party bingo and more games right in your browser.

Two things often go wrong. First, money: agree the amount per head before anything is booked, and collect a deposit. Second, timing: a stag do the weekend before the wedding sounds romantic and is a disaster in practice. Two to four weeks’ gap gives the groom time to sleep it off.

What does the best man do on the wedding day?

From breakfast onwards you’re shadow, butler and press officer in one. Keep this list on your phone:

• Rings. You carry them, not the groom. An inside pocket with a zip, and check twice before you leave the house.
• ID for the register office, your own.
• Schedule for the day with the numbers of the photographer, venue and DJ. If something goes wrong, you make the call, not the couple.
• Emergency kit for the groom: tissues, a headache tablet, deodorant, a spare shirt button, plasters, a cereal bar. Anyone who marries at 11:00 and eats at 19:00 will otherwise keel over at the drinks reception.
• Signature. At the register office, you sign the record after the vows. The office provides the pen, not the steady nerves.
• Envelopes and presents: collect them and put them somewhere safe before they disappear among the cake crumbs.
• Keep the groom in good spirits. A glass of water at the right moment is worth more than three rounds of schnapps before the first dance.

Does the best man have to give a speech?

Have to, no, but it’s almost always expected. The good news: nobody wants to listen for 15 minutes. Three to five minutes is enough, which is about one to one and a half pages.

A speech that works tells a story only you know and then lands on the couple. How did you meet the groom? When did you realise it was serious with her? Embarrassing anecdotes are allowed, as long as Grandma can still laugh afterwards. Whatever happened on the stag do stays on the stag do; that’s a point of honour.

Write the speech in advance, read it aloud twice and cut every sentence that starts with “As Shakespeare once said”. On the night itself: one glass at most before the speech, as many as you like afterwards. If you’re looking for inspiration for a good opening, our bachelor party slogans have a few templates you can rework.

What does the best man pay for?

More than an ordinary guest, but not a fortune. The usual items are:

• your own share of the stag do plus part of the groom’s share, since he’s invited,
• an outfit for the wedding, if the couple set a dress code,
• travel and accommodation, if the wedding is further away,
• a present, often together with the circle of friends.

How to split stag do costs fairly and where the money usually goes is explained in bachelor party costs & who pays. Important for you: you run the kitty, you don’t fund it. If you pay upfront, collect the money first.

And when the party’s over?

The job doesn’t end with the last song. The morning after, best men help tidy up the venue, return borrowed decorations and make sure the suit ends up at the dry cleaner’s and not in the boot of the car. Collect the guests’ photos in a shared album before they’re scattered across a hundred chats.

And then the thing no guide prescribes: stay the friend the groom asked. A call on the first wedding anniversary costs nothing and is never forgotten.

Working alongside a maid of honour? Agree early on who takes the stag and hen dos, the speech and the surprises, so you don’t end up with two slideshows on the programme. Her side of the job, from the wedding dress to the emergency kit, is in our guide to maid of honour duties.

Ideas for your city

Stag do coming up next? These city guides put pubs, activities and a planner on one map:

• Hamburg stag do: the St. Pauli district, the harbour and a pub crawl that ends at the fish market.
• Cologne stag do: traditional beer halls, rounds of Kölsch and the old town.
• Berlin stag do: clubs with no closing time and activities for every budget.

You’ll find all cities at a glance in our city overview.