Maid of Honour (Honor) Duties: From the Proposal to the Last Dance

On the wedding day, a maid of honour holds more than the bouquet: hairpins, tissues, the schedule and usually the bride’s nerves too. Maid of honour duties range from dress shopping to the hen do to signing at the register office, and hardly any of them are written in law. Here you’ll find what’s due when, what it costs and which parts you can happily turn down. You’ll also learn how to trim the role without disappointing the bride.

Will you be my maid of honour?

The question often comes with fizz, a card and tears. Feel free to say yes, but not straight away “I’ll do everything”. Ask what the bride has in mind. Some want an accomplice for every decision from flowers to bridal shoes, others mainly want a friend who stands beside them on the big day and otherwise makes the hen do rock.

Be open about what you can manage. A new job, a baby, a tight bank balance: all good reasons to shape the role differently. The bride would rather know now than three weeks before the wedding.

Obligation or honorary role?

An honorary role, at least in Germany. The register office doesn’t need a maid of honour; one or two witnesses are allowed, but not required. Austria is the same: whoever signs must be at least 18 and show an official photo ID. In Switzerland, on the other hand, the ceremony takes place with two witnesses who are of age.

What that means: don’t forget your ID on the day. The full overview for register office and church in all three countries is in our article on best man duties, along with how many witnesses the Catholic Church requires.

Which duties come when?

Not everything at once. This table helps you sort things out, based on an engagement of about a year:

The most important point isn’t in any column: you’re the buffer zone. When the mother-in-law comments on the table decorations for the fifth time, you take the call. The bride doesn’t need to hear everything.

How do you make the hen do a success?

With a plan that suits the bride, not Instagram. One loves a spa and wine tasting, another wants to roam the old town with a crown and a vendor tray of goodies to sell to strangers. Both are right, as long as the bride recognises herself in it. If in doubt, ask her partner what she secretly wants.

The best ideas for activities, games and outfits are in our bachelorette party guide, and in our bachelor party activities you can filter around a hundred ideas by budget and style. How to set up the day step by step, from the guest list to a plan B for rain, is in our bachelor party planning checklist. And because many groups of friends celebrate mixed, it’s worth looking at the ideas for the stag do too.

It’s quicker with the itinerary generator: enter your city, group size and budget, get a ready-made schedule for the day and send it to everyone via a link. In between, Truth or Dare, bachelorette bingo and more games keep the mood up, with no printing needed. If you’d rather chase the bride through the city, set up a scavenger hunt with puzzles and stops.

A word on money, because it almost always causes friction: set an amount per head before you book anything, and collect a deposit. The bride is invited; the group splits her share. You’ll find worked examples and money-saving tips under bachelor party costs & who pays.

What does the maid of honour wear?

The most frequently asked question after the duties themselves, and the answer always starts with the bride. Some set a colour, some a whole dress. If you have a free choice, stick to three rules of thumb: no white, nothing louder than the wedding dress, and shoes you can stand in for ten hours.

At the register office, an elegant dress or a trouser suit is enough; often you’ll go on to a restaurant afterwards. For a big celebration with church and party, it can be more formal. If you wear the same colour as the bridesmaids, it looks striking in photos, but that’s the bride’s call, not yours.

Plan your outfit early if you need alterations. A seamstress has little time just before the wedding season, and the fitting with the bride is a better occasion for a glass of fizz together than the morning of the wedding.

What goes in the emergency kit?

The kit is your toolbox for the day. What has proved its worth:

• Hairpins, hair ties, a small can of hairspray
• Safety pins, a sewing kit with thread in the dress colour
• Blister plasters, flat spare shoes for the bride
• Tissues, concealer, powder, the bride’s lipstick
• Headache tablets, glucose tablets, cereal bars
• Phone charging cable and power bank
• ID for the signature
• A printout of the schedule with the numbers of the photographer and venue

If you want to be fully prepared, pack a stain remover pen and deodorant too. By the red wine in the evening at the latest, you’ll be the hero of the night.

Speech, games and little surprises

A speech isn’t compulsory, but it’s welcome. Three to five minutes is enough: how you met, when you knew this person was the right one for her, and a closing line to both of them. Read it aloud beforehand, ideally to someone who doesn’t know the bride. If they laugh, the room will too. For a cheeky opening, our bachelorette party slogans have material you can rework.

Wedding games are a matter of taste. Ask the couple whether they want any, and coordinate with the best man so both sides don’t prepare the shoe game at the same time. A short slideshow, a guest book with questions or letters for the first years of marriage usually go down better than the tenth round of stamping on balloons.

The loveliest surprise costs the least: a letter the bride gets from you on the morning of the wedding. No audience, no stage, just the two of you.

Ideas for your city

Planning the hen do in a city? These guides show bars, activities and a planner on one map:

• Cologne hen do: traditional beer halls, the Rhine promenade and the old town.
• Düsseldorf hen do: Altbier, the Königsallee and long nights at the “longest bar in the world”, as the old town is nicknamed.
• Munich hen do: beer gardens, beer halls and clubs.

You’ll find more cities in Germany, Austria and Switzerland in our city overview.